I HAVE A MEMORY

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I am still unsure of why I had to do it. It's a thing John wrote soon after I lost my Dad in February of 1991 and even after this time, it still moves me. Right now I am not seeing to straight.

When my Granpa gave me a hug I almost got lost
in his huge coat.
He was as tall as the roof of our house.
He could build anything from toys and games
to kitchen cupboards and garden sheds.
My Granpa knew everything.

Most of all I remember his smile,
his face would be bursting with happiness
and his eyes sparkled and shone.

When I was born he was there.
He held me in his arms, looked down at me
and for the first time, I saw his smile.

When I learned to walk he was there.
Granpa had to walk slowly because I could
only take little steps.
I always felt safe with Granpa

When I started school he was there.
Every question I could think to ask him
he had the answer

I grew bigger taller and older;
Granpa just grew older.

At Christmas when I was five, he was there.
He made me a huge garage,
it was the most amazing and wonderful present
I can remember getting ever

I still have that garage.

When I started to play music, he was there.
My Granpa could play any instrument
he took in his hands.
Sometimes I still hear him singing
and playing the banjo.

My family went to the country and he was there.
We played games all around the garden.
Sometimes Granpa couldn’t catch us.
He had to go and lie down after we played
because he always felt tired

When we moved house he was there
I played hide and seek with my brother.
Not even Granpa could find us.

Sometimes when I was naughty, he was there.
I always felt bad when he found out, I always wanted to make him happy
He would sit down and talk to me, but I
Never heard him shout, not ever.

I drew lots of pictures and he was there
I would ask and he would tell me
what I needed to do to make them better
colours here, shapes there.
He always knew what to do

I played flute in an orchestra, sometimes he was there.
He would tell me I played very well and
he was proud of me.
Then he’d show me that smile I loved to see.

I was almost as tall as my Granpa now and I could walk much faster than he could
Granpa needed help every day now. He had to rest most of the time

We went to church and sometimes he was there
He was a minister and everybody would watch and listen to everything he said, I did too.
I was proud that everybody listened to
My Granpa

My paintings and drawing improved and sometimes when
people saw them he was there.
He said they were getting better all the time
and he smiled.
That made me happy because I liked
to make my Granpa smile

He showed me some pictures he painted when he was much younger. They were beautiful.
His pictures were older than me. The paper had gone
yellow and faded, but the colours were still
bright and strong

My Granpa lived in the outback and he had a special
coat made out of cows hide. That coat is older than me and my dad!
My Dad had that coat and he gave it to me
I think of my Granpa every time I wear that coat.

Soon my Granpa went into hospital and asked
to see my all family.
I cried, because I knew it would be the
last time I would see him

We buried my Granpa and I was there

Afterwards I often thought about my Granpa;
wondering why he had to leave,
where he had gone,
was he alright.

Sometime I got angry with my Granpa
mostly I missed him.

Time passed and I thought less about my Granpa and more about the other special people around me
I miss my Granpa but

I have a memory and my Granpa is there